If you could order your dream person …

I was listening to a podcast where they joked that if we're going to have an exact checklist for how someone should look, we might as well order the person from a 3D printer.

I laughed out loud. Then I went quiet for a moment, because it hit a little too close to home.

The order form

Tall. Beard. Tattoos. Good-looking. The right style. Of course we all have preferences, me too. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you like. But somewhere along the way the list can get so detailed it reads more like a product description than a person.

Because you can meet someone who ticks every single box and still feel … no. Nothing. Everything fits, except the thing that actually matters.

What you see on a profile rarely tells you how it feels to sit across from that person.

The questions that aren't on the list

Can we talk? Does this person understand me? Do we laugh together? Do I feel safe and able to be myself?

You can't tick those off with a glance. You notice them after a coffee together, when the conversation takes an unexpected turn, or when you say something clumsy and the other person just smiles.

Maybe we sometimes need to think a little less about exactly how the person should look, and a little more about how we want to feel with them.

Why I like the idea behind Aivelyn

That's also one of the things I like about Aivelyn. It isn't just about what you see on a profile, but about trying to understand who you are, what matters to you and who you could actually be a good match for.

Looks matter, it would be silly to pretend otherwise. But it's rarely looks we remember when we think back on someone we cared about. It's the feeling.