Who pays on the first date?

The bill lands on the table. For a second everything goes quiet. Who reaches first? Should I offer? Will he be offended if I do? Will I be disappointed if he lets me?

Few seconds of a first date say as much as those ones. And few questions divide my friends more.

Three camps at the same dinner table

One friend thinks whoever asked pays. Full stop. Another always splits, because she doesn't want to “owe” anyone anything. A third, a man, says he likes to treat but gets annoyed when it's taken for granted.

All three are right. That's the problem.

Maybe the bill isn't about money at all – but about how we show we want to meet again.

What I actually notice

For me it's rarely who pays. It's how. Offering without making a fuss. Saying “I'll get this, you get the next one” – because that sentence contains a small, brave hope that there will be a next one.

What makes me lose interest is the opposite: the long silence, the phone calculator down to the last krona, or the feeling that someone is keeping score.

Say it before it gets awkward

Lately I've tried just saying it when we book: “Shall we split, or take turns?” It feels a bit unromantic for a second. Then it's much more relaxing than playing guessing games over the card machine.

So now I'm curious – and I know this one gets opinions going.