Preferences, needs and boundaries
A preference might be sharing an interest. A need might be being able to talk about something that is bothering you. A boundary describes something you do not want to accept, such as being belittled.
The distinction is personal. Something negotiable for one person may be essential for another.
15 questions to start with
- Which moments would I most like to share with a partner?
- What does an ordinary day together look like in my imagination?
- How much time to myself would I like?
- What makes me feel appreciated?
- How would I like to be able to talk about something difficult?
- What does reliability mean to me in concrete actions?
- Which values do I want to stand by within a relationship?
- Which differences am I curious about or comfortable with?
- Which differences would be difficult to live with?
- How do I think about children, where to live and the future?
- What place would I like friends and my own interests to have?
- What have I appreciated in previous relationships or close friendships?
- Have I previously said yes to something when I wanted to say no?
- What would I like to contribute to a relationship?
- What would I like to feel able to express earlier next time?
Choose three things that matter most right now
Write a short sentence about each one. Try to make it concrete.
“Communication matters” could become: “I would like us to be able to say when something feels wrong and return to the conversation if we need a break.”
“I want freedom” could become: “I want to keep seeing my friends and having my own interests when we are together.”
Use your answers to start a conversation
You do not need to present a list on a first date. Choose something you are curious about and share your own answer too.
The question “What does a weekend you enjoy look like?” can open a conversation about closeness, everyday life and independence.
In Aivelyn, you can continue exploring your needs and priorities through questions and reflection. Your answers are a starting point you can reconsider as you get to know yourself and others.